How to Love Life Again After Losing a Spouse" by BeckyAikman.

In  Bottom Line Personal magazine, there was a great article entitled "How to Love Life Again After Losing a Spouse" by BeckyAikman.  

"Becky Aikman was in her 40s when she lost her husband to cancer.  She formed a group with five other widows.  Their goal: To learn to live again after the worst thing that ever happened to them.  In the process, they found that some of the traditional thinking about loss and recovery wasn't helpful.  

Here, advice for rebuilding your life--when you feel ready to do so--in the months or years after the death of your husband or wife...

Don't put off rebuilding because you haven't yet experienced the stages of grief

People who lose a spouse often experience waves of emotion separated by periods of feeling relatively normal.  Over time, the waves become less extreme and less frequent until the widow or widower feels ready to reengage with humanity. 

Be wary of support groups 

If  you feel supported by the group then continue, but be wary of focusing on feelings of grief.  You may find that you are focusing on sadness.  Attending the group in the beginning may feel like a great fit, but listen to yourself and know that it's OK to stop attending once it no longer "fits".  

Make decisions based on what you want your life to look like in the future, not maintaining the life you had before 

Plans made while a spouse was living may no longer fit your single lifestyle:  vacation plans, home or retirement living, and more.  

Friends

Be proactive about making plans with friends.   They may be attentive relatively soon after the loss of a partner.  As time goes on, they may be less inclined to call, especially if you have turned down meetings and outings in the past.  Now that (ital)you are ready, call to schedule something well in advance of the date that you want to meet.  

Construct a new circle of single friends

Get over any guilt about new romantic relationships

Researchers have found that it's people who were very deeply in love with their departed spouses who are most likely to find love again.

ACTIVITIES

New experiences can help to start new routines or highlight areas of interest and give you something to look forward to while building your confidence.

Cook well for yourself

Nurturing yourself through good tasting proper nutrition will go far in helping improve your outlook on life. 

Travel with tour groups

Travel is an excellent way to have new and enjoyable experiences...If you travel with a tour group, you'll have people with whom you can share the adventure."  Just double check that there are single people in the group so that you are not the only unpaired traveler.  

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Most importantly, and something that was not mentioned in the  article is, be kind and gentle with yourself.  Nurture yourself in ways that help you to heal, and be willing to ask for help. 

Life Before Death

 I am a member of a hospice community forum, and they brought this amazing video series to my attention.  All of the videos are well worth watching.  They are amazing!
 

http://www.youtube.com/user/LifeBeforeDeathMovie

Reverie Harp

I have the most delightful patient right now. "June" served as a missionary and has the most interesting life story, including raising 7 children!  I often strum on the Reverie Harp when I visit with patients.  It is wonderful if they are sleeping, unconscious, or unable to communicate.  My current patient, June, is usually sleeping when I stop in to see her, so I sit quietly and play the harp in her room.  Several weeks ago, she was awake when I arrived.  She was all excited to ask me if I had been there the week before and if I had played the harp for her.  I told her that I had been there and did play the harp.  She told me that even though she was asleep and dreaming, the music wove into her dreams and she found it so comforting and beautiful.  I was so happy.  I have played so many time for people who are non verbal or who pass away without regaining consciousness.  With what June told me, I now think that they can hear me playing and are comforted.  What a wonderful confirmation.  

Great book about surviving loss

Good Samaritan Society-Stillwater will host Begin Here author

Local author Kat Reed will give a presentation on her book, Begin Here: Helping Survivors Manage on Friday, May 13th from 2:00-3:00 p.m. Her workbook guides survivors through the seemingly overwhelming practical and necessary tasks that remain after a death, from residential to financial to personal.  The guide/toolkit is based on her own experiences after her mom's death. Discovering the lack of resources available to help her and her predominantly deaf dad with these tasks, Reed researched and investigated solutions to the practical matters for herself. In turn, she self-published her user-friendly book in 2009 as a way to ease this burden for other survivors. This is a free presentation. Copies of the book will be available for sale.

This sounds like a great resource and a great presentation!

This announcement was in the Stillwater chamber newsletter today.

Let's Go Fishing

I love having helpers all over the place.  My hubby was at Walmart over the weekend and he saw a group out front raising money.  He stopped to hear what they had to say, and told me later, he couldn't figure out why he stayed to listen to the whole thing and chat with them.  Suddenly he realized that I needed the resource to pass on through my blog.
Let's Go Fishing is a free program, and according to their website  "Let's Go Fishing of Minnesota is dedicated to enriching the lives of individuals through fishing and boating excursions that strengthen communities, build relationships and create memories."
Here's the link to their great site:
Let's Go Fishing 

How Reaching for the Stars Came to Be

Do you ever wonder how someone started a business, how they got the idea, and how it all came together?  I wrote about my experience for our church newsletter.  Here is the link, and the article is on page 5.  Look for the heading "Body Spirit Connection".
http://content.yudu.com/Library/A1qyoh/TrinityTodayMarch201/resources/index.htm?referrerUrl=http://www.yudu.com/item/details/286037/Trinity-Today-March-2011 

Wow What a Week

It's another busy week.  Yesterday I spent the whole morning at a Senior Fair that was held at a local church.  I made lots of great contacts and found many resources.  Here are just a few:

www.gentletransitions.com 
This a  moving company specializing in planning and coordinating your move.  They work in conjunction with a mover, but they take care of the details.  They help change service address for utilities and really help people figure out how to downsize in the least stressful way.  When they leave your new dwelling, everything will be unpacked, the beds will be made, the lamps plugged in, the clocks set, and the electronics in working order.  They have been around a long time and understand the emotional upset behind moving and work with the clients to fully support them.  Amazing.

www.familymeans.org 
Family Means provides respite care, caregiver support groups, caregiver coaching/counseling, and education programs.  They serve the Washington County (MN) and St Croix County (WI) areas.  They are a partner with United Way.  If you are not in these counties and need services, please contact the United Way. 

www.sttheresemn.org 
St Therese at St Odilia is a relatively new facility in Shoreview MN.  They offer Palliative Care, Hospice Care, and Spiritual Care.  The facility is an 8 bedroom home with 24 hour on-site nursing care.  It looks really beautiful and the representative that I met was delightful.

Fantastic Book Title

Every one in awhile I run across a book that I think everyone should own a copy of.  This is one such book:

Passages in Caregiving: Turning Chaos into Confidence  by Gail Sheehy

This book is filled with helpful advice and resources to use after you get "the call".  The call is the life changing call that you may receive alerting you of medical news of a loved one that changes your life. This book is absolutely essential for the main care giver of that loved one.   

If you don't have access to the book when you get "the call", please check out the PACE program www.npaonline.org  This is a Medicaid waiver program that helps seniors prolong independent living and stay out of hospitals and nursing homes as long as possible.  PACE uses an interdisciplinary team approach.

Another book:

Share the Care by Cappy Capossela and Sheila Warnock.  It's a philosophy developed by 2 caregivers who took care of a terminally ill friend with cancer for 3 years.

Call your local Area Agency on Aging

AAA  is a free one-stop shop for care of older Americans that is funded by the federal government.  A phone volunteer or social worker will answer, listen to your situation, and send you to the community providers of service that meet your family member's needs.  Includes much in home care and help!   Find your local Area Agency on Aging by going to the eldercare locator website www.eldercare.gov  or call 1-800-677-1116.